Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
