my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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