I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Come share oat with me in your robe
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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