and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
