What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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