just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
