$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
