as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
