Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
