I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
