hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
