So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
