on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
