im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
He passed out mid-signature
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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