I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
