you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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