OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
he was CRYING into my vagina
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
