DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
