I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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