jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
