Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
