after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
