plz talk dirty to me
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
