I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
