apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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