Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
