I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
