wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
