I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
