I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
