What a fucking waste of an outfit
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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