She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
youre lurking in front of me
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
