i permit you to call me
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
