The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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