I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
