I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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