the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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