Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I wear drunk well.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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