Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
