I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
