Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I need to align my fucking chakras
how does that bad decision feel?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
