oh fat girl friday strikes again...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
