im having a threesome with these popsicles
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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