I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I had to cum in my sink.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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