Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
