I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I have post one night stand depression
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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