so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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