Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
