I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Randomize
