I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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