Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
