At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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