After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Your penis caused this!
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
