omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
