Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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