I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
