garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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