ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
