I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
