No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
